lessons on taking myself too seriously ;-)

Today I am taking a day off. A day off from what, you might ask?  (As many of you know I have been searching for work for over 5 months). Well, today I am taking a day off from a very trying week of waking up in the morning, praying that God would help me trust him, going to interviews and coming home feeling defeated and discouraged. I have shared with some of you my horror stories of the week, but today is a day to focus on God’s faithfulness.
This morning I woke up feeling absolutely exausted. I felt too tired to cry or even express my anger towards God about how distant he felt. I began to get ready for the day wondering how much more I could take.Those of you who are unemployed probably know what I’m talking about—how hard it can be to fill out application after application or tweak resume after resume for jobs that you don’t even know that you want knowing you may or may not reap rewards for your labor. It’s exhausting isn’t it?
I really cried out to my Abba this week.  I told him how bad it hurt not to work. I told him how sorry I felt for myself and I told him I was ready to give up my pride and work wherever he chose, if only he would make clear where that was! I was so tired of spinning my wheels. He took me through a step by step lesson this week.
He said…
1. Check your motives.
Autumn, why do you want to work? Is it so that you can impress people when they ask “What do you do?” Is it so that you feel you are benefiting from your degree? Or is it so that you may be a witness for me wherever I choose to place you?
2. Check your heart.
Where is your treasure? Is it in winning souls or is it in temporary earthly pleasures?
3. Check your will
“Do you want my will or yours?” He asked.
Through a couple of very interesting experiences, the Lord led me to face myself in all of these areas.
It was this morning that I realized I had truly let go. The whole time I had been meaning to let go of all of the above and let the Lord lead me, but it was all done in fear and with a back-up plan if he didn’t lead the way I wanted him to. As I got ready this morning, I just prayed, “Lord, guide me. You know what I want; but you also know what’s best for me. Please do what’s best for me.”
It was moments later that my cell phone rang with a call from a catering company and supper club that I had applied to weeks ago. They asked if I could interview today.
I felt excited but nervous, because not having a job, I had already made holiday plans to visit family the week following Christmas. I knew it would be wise to take the job regardless, but I asked God for one more thing. “God would you please let me know this is right by allowing me to start after the first of January?”
And that is exactly what God did for me. Later today I got a call from an eye clinic that I had applied to as a receptionist and they want to interview next week…God is good.

“So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
So today I am taking a long overdue “day off” so to speak. I am taking a day off from trying to carry it all on my shoulders. I am taking a “day off” from trying to manage my own life and I am taking a day off to refocus on the goal—not mine, but the goal Paul is speaking of when he says,
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14
 
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4 thoughts on “lessons on taking myself too seriously ;-)

  1. I REALLY needed this tonight. THANK YOU for sharing your journey. And for this divine perspective. Merry Christmas to you. May those interviews bring blessings beyond your imaginings. Maybe God use you as an instrument. May you have a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of our Savior with your family.

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  2. Thanks for sharing… I find it very easy to feel sorry for myself and to get frustrated at God for not answering in my time too. As much as it may sound weird/odd, I find encouragement in Knowing that there are dear friends going through the same struggles as me, but still so in love with God. Love you Auti! Thanks for letting us follow your life!

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  3. I needed this too Auti! Thank you so much for being so open with your feelings. It's nice to know youre arent the only one going through somehting like this and also a push in the right direction and a good reminder to let go and trust God!

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  4. Autumn-Thank you for sharing how God is teaching you, because as He taught you these things, He is also teaching me lessons and it is so good to know i am not alone. Life is so uncertain right now in this phase, and it is hard to not be anxious (and i am really being anxious about NOTHING!). The Bible says to "be anxious about nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will GUARD your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." oh, how i wish i could lock that away in my heart. Jesus HAS to be enough! I love you autumn–thank you for this.~anna tyler

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