Remember how I told you that I write what I write here so that you can pray for us? Well, I have something to write that I’d like you all to pray about. I am so excited by this that I’m a little hesitant to write because I’m afraid sometimes of not making sense, but I am also so very excited by this revelation that I would like you all to pray that God does with it what he wants…the sooner the better!
Here’s my story…
Today I woke up and couldn’t stop thinking…when that happens I usually take quite a bit of my devotional time to write and to journal what I feel God is showing me. Today I told Him I’m just frustrated with having so many passions and desires and not know which one he wants me to follow or if all of them even line up at all…I hate when people ask me, “what do you do all day while john is at work..” because I know I do a lot of thinking, house-hold tasks, writing…and waiting…waiting on God for direction as I fill out application after application, wondering if any of them is really what I want to do and wishing God would direct more clearly.
So speaking of tasks, I began a task that I’ve been putting off for awhile–cleaning out our “guest room./office”..you know, the room in the house that you shove stuff in when you don’t have time to clean/ unpack everything before people come? That’s the one. I opened the door, took a deep breath, opened a window and opened the first box. It was the box that my mom had sent back with me last time I was home and it was heavy as heck! I found it to be full of many of books (novels, fiction, and non-fiction) that I had accumulated over the years as well as some others that I had studied with in college. As I was placing them on my bookshelf, I realized you can definitely tell what’s important to a person by taking a look at his/her bookshelf, (if they like to read, that is). Books on worship, dating, marriage and spiritual leadership and development soon crowded the top and bottom shelves. Shoving that box of to the side, I reached for the next–even heavier than the first, I literally had to push it from one corner of the room to the bookshelf. When I opened it, it was full of notes, papers and notebooks that were shoved in in the most disorderly fashion (just the way I’d left them after each semester of college ;-). As I began to tackle the new task of organizing what I thought was probably mostly trash, I found that it was actually organized clutter–each class, year and assignment separated neatly with a couple of notes in between. As I began to sort I couldn’t help but read some of the articles, stories, movie reviews and final papers, memories of the times in my life washing over me as I did so. I even laughed a loud at some of my word choices and the different spins I took on what were probably meant to be boring assignments, late night hours turned into humorous editorials. I decided I’d like to share some of these with John, so I began organizing them into folders and stacking them on the shelves…and that’s when I realized what I’m passionate about. Laugh if you want to, but I never knew….when I finished, the remaining space on my shelf was full of my own work…..and my other books of interest stood their awkwardly among the rest of my own work. If you don’t understand, or don’t know me well enough to understand, what I’m saying is, God just opened my eyes to a passion I didn’t realize I had. I want to write,…and I need to. I didn’t realize until I wasn’t being forced to, how much I miss it…and how much I crave it. The excitement I feel is comparable to the last time God pointed me in a certain direction–you know, when he speaks to you so clearly you want to cry? That’s how I felt. So I promptly texted a sister in Christ and told her, I know what God wants me to do! For the first time since he told me to marry John and move to Kiel, I had direction! Being the amazing friend that she is, she took it upon herself to hold me accountable and told me to call the local newspaper immediately and put together my portfolio. So I did…and I have a meeting on Monday.
I’m really not sure how to end this…other than asking those of you who seek God for direction in your lives to pray earnestly for me. If God wants me to be humble and wait on him longer, please ask that he gives me the grace and patience to wait and if he wants to use me to write and lift his name through my writing, please pray that he opens a door!
Thank you so much.